We all have up days and down days. Between my posts of beaches, sunsets and art activities we also have our moments of frustration, beyond tiredness and stern words. Sometimes I feel like a yo-yo. One moment I’m watching my two play together and telling each other ‘I love you’, (my favourite ever!) then they are at each other or both at me and I crack… Then I feel guilty for that cranky outburst or the things I thought but didn’t say. Will they remember me as the yo-yo on its way up or on it’s way down?
One time I felt like this recently and was compelled to put it down on paper. A poem ensued. It released everything inside which was very therapeutic, but I felt instantly guilty for putting these words to paper.
When will I feel like an adult again?
When will I spend more time at restaurants than playgrounds?
When will I feel more excitement towards snuggling than sleep?
When will I spend more time watching Rom-Coms than Peppa Pig?
When will I stay up late rather than going to bed with the children?
When will I read a book to it’s entirety rather than collecting a pile of half-read books?
When will I spend more time on my own art rather than playdough?
When will I stretch out in my bed rather than be pushed to the edge?
When will I have a long lunch rather than a quick bite and run?
When they are all grown up and I look back on this time and wish I could do it all again.
Of course I don’t feel like this the majority of the time, I love being their mother and even reading it back now, I find it hard to relate. But at that point in time I had been stretched like a rubber band and I snapped back. It is a reminder that we need to ask for help, need to say ‘no’ sometimes, need to spend time on our own. Parents are human.
What do you do to keep your rubber band from getting too stretched??